landofsomethingsomething:

purplepurpleunicornsparkle:

landofsomethingsomething:

I don’t know the answer to this but I do know that whatever it is Rose and Dirk argue bitterly over it

I’m gonna do this one:

John: The Great Mouse Detective. Unlike the newer Disney movies, this one is takes itself less seriously and isn’t so much about finding yourself and more about RAD MYSTERY SOLVING ADVENTURES. Do it, Basil, take down that evil Professor Ratigan. He completely misses the homo subtext here that everyone and their dog has noticed. What? he says, as Dave snorts. I don’t get it?

Rose: She’ll tell everyone that most Disney movies have aged poorly and the nostalgia attached to them has no hold over her and that, really, were they actually so good to begin with? These are films for children, honestly. But in truth, she’ll always remember watching The Little Mermaid and both wanting to be and wanting to date Ariel and realizing how fuckin’ gay she was as a tiny child and that’s her dark secret.

Dave: Shrack. Um yes? That’s a Didney movie? Didn’t you hear? Well you know you can disagree if you want but *leans in* some… BODY ONCE TOLD ME (His dark secret is that he actually unironically really LOVES Shrek, it’s not just a meme, look, fine, it’s cynical sometimes, but Fiona loves him for WHO he IS okay don’t look at me fuck this shit. He knows it’s not disney, he doesn’t care, whatever. Disney movies lack the cynicism you need to make a real statement! Give me a shracc any day.)

Jade: Robin Hood awoke her young furry, as it did everyone’s. But the truth is, Jade loves all Disney movies, the really old ones and the really new ones.

Jane: Beauty and the Beast. John is aghast that she’s not also a Mouse Detective stan, and she concedes that it is a very close second, but despite the absence of any mystery solving, Belle has always been #goals as fuck and the Beast is basically a sentient moustache. She could take or leave that human form though, eh. She likes to think he changes back after a bit. Willingly. Or grows some hair. For real, though, this is the romance of all time.

Jake: I think that we can all agree he’d say The Lion King. Shortly before changing his mind and saying Aladdin. Or Pinocchio, you know that one is a true classic! Or, shitknickers hold on, The Black Cauldron! What an underrated gem that one is! Oh bats and balls I forgot about Frozen though wow wasn’t that a ride? I can’t believe true love was between sisters the entire time! It has to be Frozen. But wait! Wait, Snow White was the original, so –
(*this continues for some time)

Roxy: Was there ever a prince as dreamy as Eugene? Was there ever a princess as full as fire and spunk and passion as Rapunzel? Has Disney ever looked so beautiful and lush, or felt so relevant? Checkmate plebes Tangled supremacy.

Dirk: Disney is corporate garbage. The simple fact is that none of these projects were borne out of real passion. If you look at the design documents for them you’ll see that they’ve been focus tested down to such minutae that nothing genuine or real remains. If there is such thing as true art, done merely for something to say and love of the craft, Disney is as far from that standard as is possible, and –
(Jake: Didn’t you say you liked Hercules.
Dirk: I said the art style was unique and interesting!
Jake: Oh.
Jake: Huh.
Jake: Didn’t you cry during I’m Still Here in Treasure Planet?
Dirk: NO.)

tbh any time you want to send me an ask looking for The Content this post is indisputable proof you should really be sending it to my wife instead